What Do I Say to Someone I Haven’t Spoken to in Two Years?

Say something short, warm and honest that asks for nothing. Something like “I was thinking about you and wanted to say hi, I hope the house is treating you well” is enough. You do not need to explain the silence, apologize at length or pitch anything. The goal of the first message is not business. The goal is to turn a stale relationship back into a current one, so that the second and third messages feel normal instead of strange.

That is the short answer. The longer answer is worth reading, because most agents who freeze over this message are not stuck on the words. They are stuck on a feeling. They think the gap is a crime they have to confess, and they think the other person has been keeping score. Neither is true, and once you see why, the message gets a lot easier to write.

This page walks through why reconnecting feels so awkward, why it feels far less awkward on the other end, what to say and what to leave out in that first message, how to pick between a text, a short video, an email or a phone call, some sample wording you can borrow, what to do after they reply, and how to make sure you never let a relationship go this quiet again.

Why it feels so awkward to reach out

The knot in your stomach has a clear cause. Somewhere in the back of your mind you are thinking, “I have not talked to this person in a long time, and if I reach out now, they will assume I want something.” That thought is not crazy. If the only time someone hears from you is when you need business, a message out of the blue does look like a withdrawal from an account you never deposited into.

There is also a bit of guilt mixed in. You meant to stay in touch. At the closing table there was a hug, maybe a promise to send everyone they know your way, and you both meant it. Then you went back to work, life got busy on both sides, and the months turned into two years. Now the silence feels like something you owe an explanation for.

And there is a fear of the blank stare. You worry they will read your name and not quite place it. That fear is reasonable, too. People forget their agent’s name far faster than agents like to believe. But notice what that fear actually tells you. It tells you the problem is not the message. The problem is the gap. The longer it runs, the stranger any message feels, which is exactly why the best time to send one is now, not after another few months of working up the nerve.

Why it is less awkward for them than it is for you

Here is the part most agents miss. You have been thinking about this person and the gap between you. They have not. They have not been sitting at home wondering why their agent went quiet. They have been living their life. Nobody keeps a ledger of who forgot to text whom.

Think about it from your own side for a second. When was the last time someone you had not heard from in a while sent you a kind, short note? Maybe an old coworker, a contractor who did good work on your house, a friend from a past job. How did it feel? For most people the honest answer is “nice.” A small, pleasant surprise. You did not count the months. You did not suspect a scheme. You smiled, wrote back, and moved on with your day a little happier.

That is the reaction you are most likely to get, as long as the message is genuinely about them and not about you. The awkwardness is mostly something you carry yourself. The other person usually feels remembered, and being remembered is a good feeling. It only turns sour if the message reveals that the real reason you reached out is a sale.

There is one more thing working in your favor. If you did good work for them, the relationship you are reviving was a good one. You are not cold calling a stranger. You are picking up a thread with someone who already liked you and trusted you with one of the biggest purchases of their life. That is a strong place to start from, even after a long quiet stretch.

What to say in the first message

A good reconnect message has a simple shape. It is short. It is about them. It has one real detail. And it asks for nothing. Here is what each of those looks like in practice.

Keep it short

A few sentences is plenty. A long message feels like it is building up to something, and the reader starts bracing for the ask. A short message reads as a friendly wave. If your note needs scrolling, cut it down.

Make it about them

Lead with them, not with you. Ask how the house is, how the family is doing, whether they ever finished that backyard project they talked about. If you remember one thing they cared about during the transaction, mention it. Something like a new baby on the way, a dog that hated the moving boxes or a kitchen they wanted to redo. One specific detail tells them you remember them as a person, not as a closed file.

Use one real reason, if you have one

You do not need a reason to say hello, but a natural one makes the message feel easy. It can be their home anniversary, a birthday, a holiday, something you saw in their neighborhood, a new restaurant that opened near them, or a photo that reminded you of them. A reason gives the message a little context so it does not feel random. Just make sure the reason is real. People can tell when a reason was made up to cover a pitch.

Ask for nothing

This is the rule that matters most. No “let me know if you know anyone looking to buy or sell.” No market update. No line about how it is a great time to sell. Leave real estate out of it entirely. They already know what you do. You are not trying to tell them you are in real estate. You are trying to remind them you are a person they liked.

If you want to go deeper on keeping real estate out of the conversation, our post on staying in touch with past clients without talking about real estate is built around exactly this idea.

What not to say

A few lines show up in reconnect messages over and over, and almost all of them make things worse. Watch for these.

• A long apology for the silence. “I am so sorry I have been terrible at keeping in touch, life has been crazy, I feel awful.” One light line is fine. A paragraph makes the gap the main topic and puts them in the position of having to reassure you.
• “Just checking in.” It sounds harmless, but it is so common in sales follow-ups that many people read it as the warm-up to a pitch. Say something specific instead.
• “Do you know anyone looking to buy or sell?” Not in the first message. Probably not in the second or third. If you have not been in touch for two years, an ask this early feels like the only reason you wrote.
• A market update or a home value pitch. Unless they asked, this tells them the message was about business all along.
• A mass message dressed up as personal. If it goes to a few hundred people with the name swapped in, the reader can usually tell. A reconnect message only works if it is truly to them.
• Guilt or pressure. Nothing like “I would love to catch up sometime, you never call anymore” as a joke. It lands differently in text than it sounds in your head.

Text, video, email or a call: which one to use

There is no single right channel. The best one is the channel you two actually used during the transaction, and the one that feels least like a sales tool. Here is how each one plays.

Text

A text is the lightest touch and the easiest to reply to. If you texted back and forth while you were working together, a text is the most natural way back in. It is quick to read, it feels personal and it gives the other person an easy way to answer in a few words. The downside is that a text from a number they no longer have saved can show up as unknown. If that is likely, put your first name and a little context in the first line so they can place you right away.

A short personal video

A short video does something no text can do. It puts your face and your voice back in front of them. People forget names much faster than faces, so a quick video clears up the “wait, who is this?” problem in a second. Keep it under a minute, filmed on your phone, no script, no fancy background. Look into the camera, say their name, say why you thought of them and tell them you hope they are well. A birthday video sent through a messaging app is one of the easiest versions of this, because the reason is built in and nobody reads a happy birthday as a pitch. If you want to see how agents use one-on-one video, our post on getting personal with video email covers the idea well.

If the thought of recording yourself makes you tense, remember that this is a quick hello to one person who already knows you. Nobody is grading the lighting. A slightly awkward, real video is warmer than a polished one.

Email

Email works when you mostly communicated by email during the deal, or when you do not have a current phone number. It also gives you a little more room, so it is a good fit if you have something to share, like a photo, a link to a local event or a short note of thanks. Keep the subject line plain and personal, like “Thinking of you and the house.” Avoid anything that looks like a newsletter, because a reconnect note that looks like marketing will be treated like marketing.

Phone call

A call is the warmest option and also the most demanding one. For a close past client, someone you had real rapport with, a call can be the best choice. For most people, though, a surprise phone call after two years puts them on the spot. A good middle path is to send a text or a short video first, and offer a call later if the conversation picks up. That way they get to choose how much time to spend with you.

Sample wording you can borrow

Use these as starting points, not scripts. Change the words until they sound like you. If you would not say it out loud to this person, do not send it.

A plain hello by text: “Hi, it is your old agent. I drove past your street today and thought of you. Hope the house and the family are doing great.”

A home anniversary note: “Hey, I just realized it has been a while since you got the keys. Hope the place still feels like home. Did you ever get that patio built?”

A thank you, out of nowhere: “I was going through some old files and came across your closing. I never told you how much I enjoyed working with you. Hope you are both doing well.”

A short video script outline: Say their name. Say what made you think of them. Say one thing you remember about them or the house. Say you hope they are well. Smile and stop. That is it.

A local tip by email: “Saw that a new coffee shop opened a few blocks from you and thought of you, since you were always the morning walk type. Hope life in the neighborhood is good.”

A line to use when you worry they will not place you: “This is your agent from when you bought the place on Elm. Not selling anything, just wanted to say hi.”

Notice what every one of these has in common. One real detail. A tone that sounds like a person. Nothing to buy, nothing to refer, nothing to decide. They can reply with a thumbs up and the message still did its job.

What happens if they do not reply, or reply short

Some people will write back right away with a long, happy update. Some will send a quick “thanks, you too.” Some will not reply at all. All three are fine.

A short reply is still a reply. It means the thread is open again. Do not push to turn it into a long conversation. Say something kind back and let it rest. A non-reply usually means nothing more than a busy week or a message that got buried. Do not take it personally and do not send a “just following up on my last message.” The first message was not a question that needed an answer. It was a hello.

Either way, the next touch is what matters. One message does not undo two years of quiet. What undoes it is being around, lightly and steadily, from here on.

How to follow up after the first message

The first message reopens the door. The follow-up is what keeps it open. This is where most agents slip, because they treat the reconnect as a one-off and then go quiet again for another long stretch.

After that first hello, move the person into a simple, steady rhythm of light contact. That rhythm can look like this.

1. Add them back to your database properly. Update their phone, email and address. Make a note of the detail they shared in their reply, like a new job or a child starting school, so you can mention it next time.
2. Let them see you without you having to reach out. Social media does this quietly. They scroll and there you are, a face they now remember again.
3. Send something worth opening once or twice a month. A short email with local news, a home tip, a story from your week, or a quick personal video. Not market reports nobody asked for.
4. Use mail for the people who matter most. A card or a postcard to your closest past clients a few times a year gets picked up and looked at in a way most digital messages do not.
5. Keep a few personal moments on the calendar. Birthdays, home anniversaries and holidays are easy, natural reasons for a one-to-one message that never reads as a pitch.

If you want help deciding how often all of this should happen, our post on how often to touch past clients so they do not forget you goes into the rhythm. And if your list is a mess, start with what a sphere database is and how to build one, because you cannot stay in touch with people you cannot find.

When can you finally ask for a referral?

Later than you want to, and much sooner than you fear. Once they have been hearing from you in a light, friendly way for a while, and they reply like an old friend instead of an acquaintance, the ask becomes a normal sentence between two people who know each other. If you ask before that point, it can undo the goodwill you just rebuilt. Our post on how to ask for a referral without it feeling awkward covers the timing and the wording in detail.

How to never let it get this long again

The real fix for an awkward reconnect is not a better message. It is never needing one. When past clients hear from you regularly, there is no gap to explain and no stomach knot before you hit send. Every message is just the next one.

Here is the uncomfortable truth behind a two year silence. It was not because you stopped caring. It was because nobody built a system to keep you in front of them. Remembering to call every past client individually never works for long, because there is always a new deal that needs your attention more. What works is a presence that runs in the background, across a few channels, so people keep running into your name and face without you having to personally start each conversation.

That is the whole idea behind staying visible. It is not your past client’s job to remember what you do for a living. It is your job to remind them. The agents who get the call when a past client is ready to move again are rarely the best agents in town. They are the ones who never really went away. If you are curious how long that memory actually lasts, our piece on how long before a past client stops thinking of you first is worth a read.

Think of it this way. Every person you sold a home to has a phone full of friends, coworkers and family, and some of them will move. When real estate comes up in conversation, your past client will reach for whatever agent name is freshest in their head. Steady, friendly contact is how you make sure that name is yours.

Who this is not for, and what it will not do

An honest note before you start firing off messages. A warm reconnect works best with people who had a good experience with you. If the transaction ended badly, or if there was real conflict, a cheerful “hope the house is great” may land poorly. In that case, a short, sincere message that acknowledges things were rough is better than pretending nothing happened, or it may be better to let that one go.

This approach also will not turn a cold list into warm relationships. If you never actually worked with someone, never met them and they would not recognize your face, this is not a reconnect, it is a cold introduction, and it needs a different approach. The rule of thumb we like is simple. If you would not feel comfortable saying hi to them at the grocery store, they are not a reconnect.

And a single message will not produce a referral by itself. It reopens a door. What brings business through that door is what you do over the following months. If you send one great hello and then disappear again, you are back where you started, with one more gap to feel awkward about.

Bottom line

When you have not talked to someone in two years, send a short, warm, specific message that is about them and asks for nothing. Pick the channel you already used together, use one real detail, skip the long apology and leave real estate out of it. They will very likely be glad to hear from you, because being remembered feels good. Then do the part that actually matters, which is staying lightly and steadily in their life from here on, so you never have to write this kind of message again. If keeping that presence going is the part you struggle to find time for, Your Marketing Dude offers done-for-you video, social, email and direct mail from one team in your own voice. The message reopens the door, and steady contact is what keeps it open.

Frequently Asked Questions